Hi folx! If you read Ask Allison #1, you know this is a space where I post questions asked to me anonymously and answer them. Thanks to those of you who've asked me questions this week!
Dear Allison,
What's your go-to toy recommendation and why? Looking to spice things up with my partner but not sure where to start!
Sincerely,
Too Many Options!!!
Dear Too Many Options!!!,
It sounds like you've got a good problem on your hands! I'll give you some categories to choose from, since I don't know exactly what you're looking for. Please note that I'm not sponsored by any toy company; these are curated from my experience as a coach and educator:
Vibrators
I love recommending CalExotic's Red Hot Spark to people with vulvas because it has many options for stimulation. Its shape can feel like a simulation of oral sex because the soft silicone tip can flick if you hold it in a certain way, or it can feel like a bullet vibrator with a very pinpointed sensation at the very tip, depending on the pressure you give behind it or the angle at which it touches the body. It has a wider base, which is good for body massage, but it is NOT safe for anal play because it doesn't have a flared base so please use this externally or vaginally ONLY.
Dildos
Depending on the size and shape you think you might want, Blush's Avant lineup has just about everything, and most of them are pride-colored, just for fun! They're made with a super-soft, patented silicone so they're sturdy, body-safe, and durable. They fit into most harnesses if you're interested in pegging, and can feel anywhere from heavy and filling to light and tantilizing. Some mimic human penises while others don't necessarily look human at all, if you're going for a more non-binary, non-conforming (to any race, species, etc.) type of vibe. They do run a bit high on price, but they're well worth the spend and will definitely last you.
Strokers
This category can get a bit sticky (pun absolutely intended) because most penis-owners are pretty particular about how they like their penis to be touched. I would recommend starting with something gentle, like the Tenga Egg strokers, then ramping it up if you or your partner are into this kind of stimulation. Because strokers aren't self-lubricating like vaginas, don't try to use them without lube of some sort. Most are very easily washable, so don't be too concerned about cleanup; just be sure to over-lube and err on the side of getting too much (because you can never really have way too much) and make sure you have excellent communication between you and your partner so you or they can tell the other how things are feeling.
Anal Play
Similar to the dildo recommendations, I would always recommend Blush's Avant lineup. They use the same silicone to make their anal toys, which come in a variety of shapes and sizes and colors. As with the strokers, use so much lube you run out (and then go get more!!) because the anus is NOT self-lubricating and you can do some real damage and cause some real pain that really is not fun to deal with if you don't use adequate lube. The anus is very very sensitive, so make sure to go super slowly, communicate with your partner, and use tactile skills like feeling if their or your sphincter is open and ready to receive more stimulation or not. Stay away from anal play if you or your partner is experiencing hemorrhoids or rectal tears. These can not only be horribly uncomfortable but can also lead to infection. Use graduating toys that go from very small sizes to larger ones and make sure anything you're using for anal play has a flared base and looks similar to a traffic cone. Silicone, glass, or metal are good materials to look for, as they are non-porous and generally waterproof, though you should double check the label to make sure. Metal and glass toys will make the user feel more full more quickly, so keep that in mind as well.
Impact Play
My all-time favorite impact play toy recommendation is a flogger. Similar to a whip, this toy has a small learning curve and comes in a variety of materials and sizes. It's known for its ability to sting a little, but not leave lasting marks like bruises or scratches. I don't tend to recommend paddles because they can really hurt if not used correctly and can cause some serious damage to the body, especially bruises and broken bones (seriously, being gentle with these things really matters) and nobody wants to end up on an episode of "Sex Sent Me to the ER".
Bondage
I would recommend wrist or ankle restraints before handcuffs or rope, especially for beginners in this area. They're much more comfortable than metal cuffs and don't tend to leave marks. They're also pretty easy to take on and off and come in a lot of different materials, like velvet, leather, faux fur, etc. which can be a really fun addition to your intimate life and help things go from good to EXXXTRA SPICY!!! They don't usually require a key, so they're a bit less risky than handcuffs.
I hope this helps you with your sexplorations! I wish you all the best luck in finding all of the toys that give you exactly what you're looking for.
~Allison
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