Hi folx! If you read Ask Allison #1, you know this is a space where I post questions asked to me anonymously and answer them. Thanks to those of you who've asked me questions this week!
Dear Allison,
I identify as a straight cis male, but I think I'm curious about trying butt stuff. What's wrong with me?
Sincerely,
Scared Straight
Dear Scared Straight,
For everyone reading, "cis" is short for "cis-gender", which means you identify with the gender and genitals you were born with. Now, let's talk about butt stuff!
First of all, enjoying anal stimulation doesn't define your sexuality. Being attracted to any other gender other than the opposite cis-gender of your own gender is generally classified as being "queer". Being attracted to the same gender as you is generally considered as being "gay". There are many exceptions to this, though.
The male body has something which you've probably heard of called the prostate gland. This is a walnut-sized part of the male anatomy that sits in the pelvis and can be reached (and stimulated) through the anus. Receiving touch can be really pleasurable for a lot of people who identify as men, but doesn't make them "gay" or not straight. In fact, a lot of men like stimulation on their penis as well as their prostate - it can enhance orgasm exponentially for some!
So, all of this is to say that absolutely nothing is wrong with you. You were simply built with a pleasure spot that's only reachable through your bum-hole, so if you want to know what it's like to experiment with that, there's really only one way to go: up!
Now, here's a word of caution on anal play:
GO. SLOW. For the love of all things good (including your booty), please don't shove things up there if they don't want to go yet. And please start small. A finger wrapped in a condom works great. Then you can add another until you need to take it slower again. That leads me to...
USE. LUBE. The anus, unlike the vagina, does NOT have its own lubricant and therefore is not slippery enough to provide adequate lubrication for penetration or any other kind of anal fun, for that matter. Do you and your bum a favor and get some lube, especially one that's formulated for anal play. Make sure you're using the right lube formula (like water-based) that is safe for the types of toys you're using. Remember that like degrades like, so don't use silicone-based lube on silicone toys or oil-based lube on latex condoms. Which brings me to...
USE. CONDOMS. The anus, also unlike the vagina, has very thin walls and doesn't have its own self-cleaning mechanisms to defend against infections. This is just one of the other multitude of reasons it's an excellent idea to use lube, but it's an even better idea to use condoms. Condoms, when used correctly, can be up to 99% effective at preventing STIs, and some of the scariest ones at that like HIV/AIDS, HPV, and others. And, if you happen to run into a "chocolate surprise", the toys (or penis/es) you're using won't end up chocolate-flavored as well.
RELAX!!! Your anus is a bundle of super-tight muscles for a very good reason. Try taking some deep breaths and play with the external parts before trying to insert anything. Your body needs to know that that kind of touch is safe and, if you want to go further, welcomed (eventually). Just take your time and try not to set expectations for yourself, or a partner, if you're not flying solo.
Do not ever. EVER. EVER!!!! use toys without a "flared" base. They CAN and WILL get sucked into your body and you will have to take a very embarrassing trip to the ER to get them removed very uncomfortably, both emotionally and physically. Just stick to toys that are meant to go up there and you'll be fine, as long as they're made of body-safe material like silicone, metal, or glass.
Heavy = full. Toys that are made of metal or glass will make you feel more full more quickly, so especially take it slower with these guys and don't ever forget your lube! Lube way more than you think, too. Get it everywhere.
I hope this information has been helpful! As always, feel free to get in touch with me with any questions. Good luck with your sexpeditions!
~Allison
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