Hi folx! If you read Ask Allison #1, you know this is a space where I post questions asked to me anonymously and answer them. Thanks to those of you who've asked me questions this week! Here's one for y'all:
Hi Allison,
I'm struggling to understand "weird" fetishes, like foot fetishes, sex in public, BDSM, etc. Why do people enjoy "weird" things like this and how can I understand those who do?
Sincerely,
2 Scoops of Vanilla, Please
Hi 2 Scoops of Vanilla, Please!
It sounds like you're feeling what's called "stigma" - basically, a societal or personal (sometimes these two are quite intertwined, but not always) judgement about someone's sexual beliefs, fetishes, kinks, or desires. It's really common, especially here in the U.S. because we usually are taught by our schools that sex in general can be dangerous; we aren't usually taught about the pleasure part, unfortunately. This can lead to some folx feeling that their desires aren't "normal" and can be a cause for repression, but I'd like to push the fact that most fetishes are actually NOT a product of sexual repression. As humans, our sexuality is very fluid and we can be attracted to ANYTHING, for any reason! Sometimes it's something you saw as a kid and your brain encoded it as "sexy", or it's something societally accepted as sexy. Other times, it can totally come out of nowhere!
Remember that your sexual preferences are just that: your own! Just because you enjoy something doesn't mean someone else will, and vice versa. You'll probably meet many people throughout your life with different sexual preferences, just like we all have different preferences for food. My favorite motto here is "don't yuck someone else's yum". It basically just reminds us to have an understanding that others have different preferences from us and that's totally OK and very normal!
If you'd like some encouragement and a reason/place to get out of your safety bubble a little, come to one of my workshops! We safely explore our own desires and learn what we like and what we don't like in a non-judgmental, educational setting.
Take some time and find out what your "weird" desires might be! I guarantee you've got a little something that's unique to you :)
Good luck!
~Allison
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